the drain at the bottom of the pool.

How does this work?

I've never been here before. It's a little disconcerting for me to visit places that I don't regularly go. I sound like a six year old spilling a glass of milk.

"Oops. I'm sorry. I don't know how that happened."

Laughter leaves a bitter taste in the mouth of the offender, and I am anything (everything?) but the victim here.

How does one who all too easily sees his own future reflected in the eyes of others claim "I never thought this would happen to me."?

And the only thing that I regret is that I caused her harm. Why can't I regret my actions for their own sake? Why can't I be critical of me? What kind of complex do I have that allows me to look at the sins and shortcomings of my life without a hint of regret or remorse beyond that I have caused others pain?

Am I that hollow? If so, everything I profess, everything I'm known for, and everything people assume about me is all wrong.

Y'know they put the drain at the deepest part of the pool. . .and everyone thinks of that point as the part with the most depth, but it's also the part with the most potential to make everything around it shallow.

Friday, April 30, 2004

a little rest is a marvelous thing

I finally got a little rest.

But after the last week that I sacrificed, I can't give up another. The next six days are going to be crazy.


Just took a test tonight. Will probably recieve another (take home test) on Thursday. Must finish prepping for a project on Thursday, and prepare for another project due next Tuesday (both projects include presentations). I must also begin preparations for weekend, when I take an eight hour examination split into two four hour blocks. (ACK!)

Thankfully its a very passable exam. I'm not planning to worry about it much. In addition I'll be arranging/attending a two hour dance practice on Friday afternoon, attending two different social functions on Friday night and traveling Saturday night through Sunday morning (after my test-from-hell, of course).

When I get back on Sunday I'm going to another two hour dance class.

Have I mentioned that I love the Tango? I do. Yes.

So I'm basically going to have a crazy couple of weeks coming up.


Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Six Days Running

Six days!

For six days, I've been playing listener/helper. For each of the last 6 nights I've got to sleep between 2 and 5. In each case, the last 4 hours or so were spent being a listener or friend. A total of 6 different people (maybe 7? I'm loosing track) each with a story or a concern or just a need.

And each one served as a renewed a lesson of how God's calling on our lives can be a huge blessing but also an inadvertently massive inconvenience in our nice little structured lives.

But each of them deserves the love and attention that a good listener provides, and who am I to turn away the least of these for my own benefit?

I am honoured to serve with what paltry gifts I might possess.

But tonight? Tonight is the seventh day, and it is time for Patrick to rest.

Friday, April 09, 2004

Stop being so helpful!


My word!

This time the night actually ended by talking with a male, at least. That's some sort of change.

But egads, I've been playing freakin' saviour of the world this week.

Yesterday: helped someone with physics all day.

Yesterday Evening: talked with people.

Today: helped two people with c++ projects, drove somebody to work. Will probably act as a ride back from work for her in a few minutes.


I'm tired and I have gotten almost nowhere for myself. I have projects to do. Things to accomplish. Work that lies unfinished on my floor.

I need to stop being helpful!

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Productivity is for winners.

Work accomplished: Zilch.


It happened again.

Three nights running is three nights too many. I don't care if I'm learning a lot and helping people out. Its a hassle I really don't feel I have time for right now.

Do I need to just learn to take time away from all these people for myself, or by doing that am I disconnecting myself from my calling to ministry?


I miss my girl.

"Not a day less will do."

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

'I hate beach music'

I love ballroom dancing.

However, if I hear The Embers' "I Love Beach Music" one more time tonight, I think my head is going to explode, showering my room in a fine mist of blood and bone overshadowed in its gruesome nature only by such cataclismic events as the bombing of Hiroshima.

Ok, so I'm prone to exaggerate, but damn! There is other music out there that we can use to learn to shag.


Aside from that, I had a good, if boring day. Now if I could just get some work done.

Oh yeah, first order of business: call my mother.

Monday, April 05, 2004

I'm just this guy, y'know?

Long weekend.

So this weekend I realized that I've started trying to jealously guard myself so much that I'm not open to helping others or sharing the gifts God has given me.

So I decided to try and make an effort to change that.

The result? Either I'm screwing up badly, or my primary spiritual gift is talking to girls who are not my girlfriend until 4AM.

So that was weird. Plus I got told by four girls this weekend that I'd be missed when I left Lord's Players. I find that odd, and I can't quite explain why. I mean, I know that I'm a hard worker and helpful, but people telling me they will miss me just weirds me out.

I'm just this guy, y'know?

In other news, I think I've created one of the best oldies CD mixes ever. 27 tracks, for a total of 79 minutes and 56 seconds of music.

1. Barry White - You Sexy Thing (3:40)
2. Beach Boys - I Get Around (2:13)
3. Beach Boys - Kokomo (3:35)
4. Beach Boys - California Girls (2:35)
5. Beach Boys - Help Me Rhonda (3:10)
6. The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody (3:36)
7. Diana Ross and the Supremes - Stop In The Name of Love (2:52)
8. Diana Ross & The Supremes - Ain't No Mountain High (3:31)
9. Diana Ross & The Supremes - My Guy (2:52)
10. The Drifters - Under The Boardwalk (2:43)
11. Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock (2:33)
12. Sinatra, Frank - The Girl From Ipanema (3:13)
13. Jerry lee Lewis - Great Balls of Fire (2:38)
14. Jimmy Ruffin - What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted (3:00)
15. Johnny Nash - I Can See Clearly Now (2:44)
16. Many - Limbo Rock (2:26)
17. Marilyn Monroe - Happy Birthday (Live for the President) (0:45)
18. Marvin Gaye - I heard it through the Grapevine (5:01)
19. Roy Orbison - Pretty Woman (3:03)
20. Shangrilas - Leader Of The Pack (2:54)
21. The Four Tops - Baby I Need Your Loving (2:44)
22. The Temptations - Build Me Up Buttercup (2:58)
23. The Temptations - My Girl (2:58)
24. The Temptations - Shout (2:27)
25. The Temptations - Sugar pie, Honey bunch (2:43)
26. Village People - YMCA (4:48)
27. Vonda Shepard - It's In His Kiss (2:14)

Thin Lines Between Words


My baby is sick, and there is no-one there to take care of her.

I want to be done with school.

Soon. Thank the maker. Very soon.

I've just finished reading this book, called "Grandparent's Book".

It was nice. I now know more about my grandfather. And its interesting the things I connect with. Things like the fact that he listened to Tino Rossi and Jean Sablon growing up, both French musicians and singers whose music I am now aquiring.

It's a good thing.

More of life should be about sharing the memories and moments that define us as people. Less of life should be about 'success' and money and power.

I don't feel well. Maybe I'm coming down with something?

Thursday, April 01, 2004