Bow before the so-called Surrender Monkeys!

I know I hinted at a real post almost two weeks ago, and I apologize because this isn't it.

This is a chance for me to say: GO FRANCE.

Portugal: We're coming for you.

That is all.

Friday, June 30, 2006


This evening would suck a lot less if one of my girls was here.

Instead, I get distractions of nebulous quality. Is this genius, is it simply torture? Why won't they let me shoot the gorram birds, or feed them to the octopus?

In other news: depending on if the mood strikes, you lot might get a real post later tonight. Wouldn't that be special?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Today was unique.

The following was written last November. Time to let it out.

I got called "Sadistic and Confrontational" today.

And I wasn't even trying.

I'd hate to know what that fellow would think if he ever saw me be myself. Poor guy would probably have a heart attack and die right there in front of me.

When I related the comment to an old friend of mine, she laughed until she almost couldn't breath. It was the healthiest laugh I've heard from her in a while.

It seems my reputation precedes me.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Party? Wtf?

Last night I threw a dinner and a movie party.

I have no idea what possessed me to do so. I was exhausted, and I've been looking forward to quiet, relaxed time for what seems like months now, so finally I get a good solid opportunity (since the last few have been ruined by people (whom I love) dropping by) and I go crazy and invite a dozen people over, 6 of whom can make it.

Wound up spending possibly $25 in food on the entire affair, maybe more, which was totally reasonable (though it means I have to go shopping today) compared to going out to dinner, but still an expense I should stop incurring three times a week.

It was odd. I don't know what came over me that made it sound like a good idea. Admittedly it was a lot of fun, dinner was great (though all my cooking time estimates still need work) and dessert provided by the lovely Miss Soon-to-be-Mrs.-Hill was incredibly scrumptious.

Still, I don't need that, I need some CALM. Maybe I've just abandoned any hope of calm descending on my apartment before the last week of June, when I actually get the space to myself for a few days and can really get some rest?

That could be it. That's also when I plan to actually make this place CLEAN for the first time in an age.


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Spin and Pin.

This weekend I did the first groundfighting I've done since Louisville, 2004. 22 Months.

In fact, the past few weekends have brought back experiences and memories. Things I had given up on, or sworn off, have come back to me in new packages and new forms. Groundfighting is one of those things. Ironically, other things that have been regular standards in my life for two years are falling by the wayside to make room.

I go to church. I don't drink much anymore. My world is writhing underneath me and I'm going to pin it when the opportunity presents itself. I can almost feel it coming on, almost taste a temporary victory on my horizon.

The groundfighting comes now from my roommate, a veteran wrestler through high school (3 years) and a very athletic fellow. He is my superior, in both weight and strength, by a significant margin, and I have much work to do before I will be his equal.

But nothing cheers me so much as a challenge to which I know I can rise.

If you know me in meatspace, you've probably heard me say it, but it is always worth saying again:

Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

If it is such a virtue, why does it make me feel sick?

Today I came home to an empty apartment and a restless mood.

I walked to the coffeeshop and came back with a sickly sweet brew.

I never wanted anything more than I wanted you.

I came home and locked my door, two bottles opened and the brew better for it.

Ice, Monk's hazel, a little bit of the devil's touch (over ice) in a plastic glass.

I kicked off my shoes, and I put someone else's dreams on the stereo and stretched out on my spacious and empty living room floor.

And I laid down and felt heavy, weighed down by the contents of my pockets and my soul. My soul I can't empty but my trinkets were useless since the work day was done.

I put them on my coffee table, one by one, and when I came to my phone I turned it up as loud as it would go--I was straining my electronic ear, listening for you, perhaps for her, perhaps for any of them.

and I laid down again, and my mind was restless inside my head, and my heart restless inside my chest.

And for the first time in a long time, perhaps the first time since things changed, I found myself impatient.

Friday, June 02, 2006