"Pretty women
What we do for pretty women. . .

Blowing out their candles or
(Blowing out their candles, oh!)
Combing out their hair,
(Combing out their hair, and they-)
Even when they leave. . .
(Even when they leave you and vanish)
They still are there.
(They somehow can still remain there)
They're there. . ."

Goodbye Amy. I'll miss you.

lyrics from Sweeney Todd:The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - Pretty Women

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Heart of Gold

I drift from place to place sometimes. Looking for the reasoning that binds my sometimes fragile outlook on life together.

I came here by education, insight, and desire. I stay here by force of will and simple dedication to a few beautiful concepts, but there are some days when the gray clouds roll over my head and the music simmers in the speakers and all I can think is "what if I'm wrong?"

". . .love is also the world's one truly beautiful thing; abandoning it in fear is the worst one could do--worse even perhaps than death."

When I was younger, I loved with my whole heart, and when I stopped, I taught myself to guard my whole heart.

I believe in love, and I believe I do love, but not as I once did. I do not think now that I ever want to love that way again.

But sometimes.

"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?"

Sometimes I see shimmering reflections of her. Moments in time or elements of behaviour that are tied entirely to the way she thought and spoke and wrote.

And in those moments sometimes it feels as if my whole heart strains and swells to bursting, pushing against the confining armour I've built around it.


But at the end of the day I don't want her back, and I don't want a replacement for her. I want my life to continue in the manner that it should, and that manner is free of the kind of love that I see in the eyes of others for each other.

"I ain't her."

"Only people in this room is you and me."


quotes from: self-private communication, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Firefly-Heart of Gold.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Winter setting in.

Whenever I think of the joys of life, I think of winter setting in--cold gray days and simple sayings truncated by the brevity that the chill forces on us. We shrink inside ourselves skirting a reality too oppressive to ignore--and I thrive in every day of it, hating the open gaiety of summer and cherishing the frost.

I will write something of substance. I do not know when.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Performing a Civic Duty

This morning, I performed one of my basic duties as a citizen.

I wrote a letter to my governor.

Here it is. I hope it inspires you to contact your own officials and make your voice heard.

And if you don't know about Real ID yet, I encourage you to do a little research. I expect you'll be just as unsettled as I was.

Dear Governor Perdue,

I was happy to see Montana governor Brian Schweitzer speak out against the Real ID rules that the DHS recently passed.

As an employee of the defense department (I work as a civil servant for the Air Force in middle Georgia) I'm accustomed to extensive ID and background checks--when they are appropriate.

The Orwellian regulations that the DHS have created, however, give me chills. They have generated a system that is inefficient, suspect, still subject to failure (and a higher number of false positives--where innocent civilians are detained or inconvenienced in the name of the safety of "the state") and expensive to boot.

The idea of being required to show Federal papers when I want to travel via our network of domestic airports reminds me of Mother Russia's "papers please" mentality before the wall came down and the communist system crumbled. I've spoken out to my friends and family at length about this, and many of them agree with me--we're a nation where freedom--of thought, of speech, and of movement--is essential.

Even if enough federal funding were available to offset the cost to Georgia to put this plan into action, I would still speak out heavily against it--it is dangerous to give too much of our privacy and security away, and the DHS's willingness to use our inconvenience when we travel as a club to browbeat us into submission is a cowardly trick.

I ask as a concerned Georgia citizen: Please join Governor Schweitzer in refusing to put this plan into action or asking for an extension. I believe our freedoms are precious, and the erosion of essential liberty for the illusion of increased security is too terrible a price to pay.

- [Name redacted]

(Of course, I used my real name with the governor).

Saturday, January 19, 2008