Search engines can be disturbing things.

A few weeks ago I posted about the fact that due to the way I allow my archives to compile by month, I am one of the top returns for a search for [Alyx Vance Nude].

It can be pretty disconcerting. I found out today that due to the way the May Archives compiled, I am one of the top twenty returns from a Yahoo Search for [Perverted Babysitters].

This is not encouraging news.

The basic issue here is that they are not looking for continuous phrases, but any page in which both of those words appear together, and because I spoke of our babysitters in Goonies and Geeks at the end of May, and used the word Perverted in my fictional "Dearest Pellicio" near the beginning of the same month, I am a candidate. And with a google page rank of 3 (and climbing? Who can tell these days?) it appears that I'm destined to show up as a return for these sorts of strange, quasi-sickening search terms on a regular basis.

The problem is that the search engines don't mind that ten-thousand, eight hundred and eighty-four words occur between "babysitters" and "perverted" in that particular month's archive. It just sees the two words and throws the result.

Surely in an age with cameras on phones and intelligent traffic routing and treaties about how much carbon monoxide our cars cough out someone can develop a more intelligent search than this. Now, in most cases Google has been very kind to me when I search, but the terms under which my website is now being discovered are shocking to me.

I suppose the entire equation for searching looks different from the back end. Perhaps it is the internet equivalent of wandering behind the Wizard's curtain and discovering that, when you search for [Good Witch Glenda] you'll get to her website right away, but that people usually discover you via [That whiny bitch with the annoying dog].

It makes me wonder which handful of arbitrary words will lead someone to my website next? But perhaps more importantly, it makes me wonder why I am getting perverted searches more often than anything else? I generate 10,000 words a month. Surely there are other random two-word phrases that people search for that would lead them here? And how do I stay concious of words used as much as 30 days apart in different articles that might, when combined, lead a handful of gaming voyeurs or masochists or (heavens preserve us) furries to my website?

Friday, August 05, 2005


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