I have an essay in mind.

One that follows my now-standard pattern of lyrics and thoughts interwoven.

Unfortunately, I also have other things that need attending. In addition I haven't thought everything through fully. Confounding the matter is that I just watched Slam, which was incredible, but has me thinking and speaking like a Slam Poet, which doesn't match my normal style at all, and will negatively impact the work I have in mind.

So, a new update coming soon. Promise.

Lala Wins.

I just paid for music over the internet.

For the first time in my life, I paid for music, delivered entirely digitally.

Why? Because Lala.com has managed to break the barrier. The music available through them is lower than the cost of convenience.

I'll always remember that Steppenwolf's "Magic Carpet Ride" was the first MP3 I ever downloaded (hey, I could have done worse). From Scour.net around 1998.

Now, in 2010, Natalie Walker's cover of Colorblind has become my first MP3 purchase. $0.89.

It only took someone 12 years to get it right. Go figure.

Cherry and Martin

Sure it's a little whimsical and I think the meter is all wrong, but I never said I was a *good* poet.

Cherry and Martin,
Heart of the town,
sometimes they break in
when the income is down,

Next thing you know
it's a call coming through
"get those pedals moving
go find out of its true."

A few pointed questions,
a scuffle, and one muffled crack.
Thank God it's cold
you've got the vest on your back.

Now you're gasping for air
and they're rabbiting fast
at least thanks to the vest
you'll make it, you'll last.

You're a hero, Travoris,
A modern day saint.
Your job is a minefield
innocent children--these ain't.

So a respectful salute,
to Macon's finest in blue
When we've run out of hope,
We'll rely upon you.

For Travoris Wilson and all the fine men and women of the Macon Police Department. You work on the edges of hell every day, and we cannot say thank you often enough for your service.

United States of Fail.

Let me be clear.

I absolutely do not think we failed by voting in a health care reform bill. While I am confident that it has flaws, I also know that legislation, sausage, blah blah blah, and frankly the American healthcare system is completely fucked and I don't mind the idea of something being done. Maybe we are making it worse, but in that case perhaps we should just make the system so bad that it foments a revolution. Whatever.

Here's my first problem.

Guess what this is:

"To amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to modify the first-time homebuyers credit in the case of members of the Armed Forces and certain other Federal employees, and for other purposes."

I'll give you a hint.

I just talked about it.

Yeah, it's the title of the health care reform bill.

That's a fucking embarrassment. How bad has our political system gotten that this sort of bullshit, mislabeling, disinformation newspeak is allowed?

The destruction of language marks the downfall of society as an institution and as a place for civilized discourse, and this is a prime example. Words have power.

It is always worth being careful with our words. Nothing has spoken more clearly to me of the growing irrelevancy of our elected senate than the title of this bill.

Second problem.

H.R.4314.

Title: "To permit continued financing of Government operations."

Guess what that is, boys and girls?

I'll give you a hint, it's how we're going to cover the gargantuan costs associated with our little "IRS modification bill" above. We voted it in this morning.

Yup. This is the bill that increases the public debt limit from $12.104 trillion to $12.394 trillion.

That's 290 BILLION dollars.

The government just gave itself permission to put you personally ANOTHER THOUSAND DOLLARS IN DEBT and NO-ONE IS REPORTING IT. I note with chagrin that even the senate website has not yet published the vote count. It's currently just listed as "passed". You can bet your broke ass that there are a few republican names on it though, who have been clamouring against all the "waste" in health care reform for months, but who are happily thumbs up on the idea of being able to ream us all further on government spending.

Why aren't we hearing about this? Why aren't we grumbling about it? because it's not news, the Senate does that shit all the time. When else would you approve such a measure if not the same day as your historic health care bill? After all, that's going to get all the attention, isn't it. And it's not like we could fund health care reform by cutting the budget of wasteful government programs, could we?

Indeed, this is the perfect day for it.

Merry Christmas USA, your gift from the senate this year was a pack of mislabeled government drivel and another Pecuniary Jenga Block on the teetering tower that is our current economic state.

Think this'll be the one?

Microsoft Fail.

So I'm building a new Nikita.

She's fast, she's feature full, and right now, I have to do something rather horrific to her.

Since I was buying kickass new hardware, I wanted a kickass new Windows operating system for the (few) games that I play.

So I purchased a copy of Windows 7 Pro upgrade. I've already got an independent license for XP pro (Thanks Mercer Programming Team!), so the upgrade was the most affordable route to take.

However, this is a whole new computer.

So I found out something really sick about the Windows 7 upgrade install process.

If you have Windows already installed and launch the installer from there, the installer will detect your existing license and activate automagically. No problem.

However, in my case I'm coming from a completely scrubbed system. The previous XP install has been decommissioned and the drive formatted. I'm installing to a totally new drive (Or rather, I'm trying to).

One would think that in this (rare) case, Windows 7 upgrade media (since it allows for clean installs) would have some sort of prompt "Please enter your previous windows license here, then enter your product key for windows 7" but no.

In order to get Windows 7 installed on this machine, I'm going to be forced to do a completed Windows XP install and activation FIRST, just so that I can promptly format the drive and install Win7 in the space it occupied, just so the dumbass win7 installer activates based on the previous license.

So thanks Microsoft, for devouring an additional hour of my life that I'll never get back.

Asshats.

And people wonder why I laugh at them when they claim that Windows is easier to use than Ubuntu.

Fort Hood.

My prayers and thoughts go out to the community of Fort Hood today. I have dear friends that are currently stationed there, and they were on their way back to Georgia on leave when all of this happened.

There is a strange socioeconomic driver created by standing armies that this event throws into stark relief against the tragedy.

Maintaining a standing all volunteer Army requires that a significant portion of your population (about 1 in 100 Americans, currently) voluntarily agree to serve as soldiers (and associated combat support personnel).

In the 21st century, soldiering has become something for which very few people are fit. I have good friends, close friends, men of strong character and conviction, who have--for one reason or another--been unable to serve more than handful of years, even though they thought military service was to be their whole career.

I know others, of course, who are perfect for the career, but the number of men fit for military service and willing to serve is outstripped by the number of people the US military is told they need, and for which they are funded.

And as a result, we become part of a culture that runs recruitment commercials that ignore the premise of the military entirely. The Army is probably the worst offender. "Go Infantry: You might get Shot!" makes for poor copy, and so we get ads that either run directly counter to actual military culture ("Army of One" anybody?) or ads that mean very little ("Army strong!").

As a result, the Military becomes the way you get out of your small town, the way you pay for college, or the way you get out of your parent's house rather than the warrior culture which you join because you are wired up to fight battles in defense of your country.

Let me be clear: I am not criticizing the military for this problem. I believe in the mission and goals of the United States Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, (and yes, Coast guard). Those organizations did not create this problem, we did.

We did it by funding the military beyond need and beyond sustainable amount, so that when they ran out of people who were a genuine fit they were forced to cast the net too wide. We did it by deciding that we need three million military personnel and millions of civilian contractors. We did it by signing up to play international policeman.

As a single example, we decided that the Global War on Terror meant we should invade Iraq. Now we have over 130,000 personnel there.

As a thought: if we had, instead, decided that the American military should invade our own domestic air transportation system, we could put a trained Air Marshall on every single commercial airline flight (all 30,000 of them per day) and still send 100,000+ people home to their families.

What happened in Fort Hood was tragic, unexpected, and entirely the fault of a single man. A man who has survived, and who will be tried for his crimes and hopefully receive a just trial and sentencing if he is convicted.

But it raises the question: how many people are pulled into the military for the wrong reasons, and are unfit for the assignments they are given?

A little sliver of love.

"We made a plan that was subject to change
So whatever way it works out we both get the blame
In the arms of this low"

We met for dinner at a cabana themed restaurant with an alliterative name and too much space. Jimmy Buffet was playing when I arrived.

I was late. You were gracious.

"And you took the wind right out of my sails
By sweating me out on all the little details
In the arms of this low
In the arms of this low

I came direct from work, all khakis and pinstripe shirts. You were dolled up in a deep, flat blue dress that set off your white skin. We greeted each other on the sidewalk outside as if we were lovers but we both know better now.

"So thread the light
So thread the light"

Dinner was poorly lit and prepared using a three ring binder and plenty of kitsch but the waiter was cheerful and the bread delicious. We spoke of life, and your place in it. You seemed happy and collected for the first time in over a year. I was content to frolic in that wellspring of joy like a puppy in a sprinkler.

"We made a choice and we knew we would pay
For stealing the joy and trying to escape
From the arms of this low
And if by some chance you break from the pack
You know I'll be waiting to welcome you back
Into the arms of this low
In the arms of this low"

After dinner you spoke of him and your eyes lit up with the hope of a hundred thousand children. Your voice held the shiver of a candlelight burning for someone lost at sea. You spoke of everything that had gone wrong over half a dozen years and how right it all still seemed. You could be so happy if things had just worked out differently.

"Thread the light,
Thread the light,
Thread the light,
Thread the light,
Shine the light,
Don't hide the light,"

I was content to drink from this too. To let my thoughts turn inward to my own histories, to the ones I speak of still with hope and trepidation. I gave you the best advice I could: I said nothing of substance.

"Live the light,
And give the light,
Seek the light,
And speak the light,
Crave the light, and brave the light,"

A part of me wanted to lunge across that too-wide table and upset plates and cups and grab you fiercely by the face and scream at you "SAY YOU ARE SORRY EVEN THOUGH IT IS HIS FAULT. TELL HIM YOU CAN'T FUNCTION UNTIL HE LETS YOU IN OR SHUTS YOU OUT FOREVER. BE HONEST AT THE EXPENSE OF EVERY DEFENSE YOU'VE EVER BUILT!"

But another part of me knew better.

"Stare the light,
And share the light,
Show the light,
And know the light,
Raise the light,
And praise the light,
Thread the light,
And spread the light."

The truth is, I won't say it either, though it all goes double for me.

The real world taught us dignity, it is still teaching us self-reliance. It taught us that sometimes settling is the most mature thing we can do. We are adults now, and all our childhood dreams will fade in time, like a lover that has been so long away that we forget. First the curve of her cheek, then the color of her eyes, and finally the pealing clarity of her laughter when she was surprised by something beautiful.

So there is the best advice I can never bring myself to give, but still take every day. My own personal dose of lithium. Welcome to the real world. Let your dreams fade. You'll be better off.

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova - This Low