I grew up.

Today I had the following conversation with the psycho, immature girlfriend of one of the cokeheads waiters with whom I work.

"Are you married?"
"Are you kidding me?"

"No."
"No, I'm not married."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"I used to."

"What happened?"
"I grew up."

"Oh, one of those relationships."
"No, not quite. But close."

Tonight was a bad night. I had another server ask me why I didn't like her. I told her I didn't like anybody. At least it made her laugh.

I've given up any pretense of not offending my fellow employees. And appearantly that doesn't matter in the least. I have a feeling that next weekend isn't going to go as well as we all hope it will. We'll see.

[Hindsight-o-matic: I was totally wrong on that call. We made bank.]

I had a manager jokingly question my sexual orientation, so that was entertaining. I have considered, more than once, faking complete homosexuality while working there. The downside is that there are a couple of stylish and attractive young (single?) gay men that actually visit the place and I'm afraid one of the other employees would try and set me up on a date.

I have enough trouble as it is, thanks. A shakespearean comedy of confused sexual leanings and mistaken identity is the last thing I need right now.

Later in the evening, the same psycho-girl asked me why I wasn't nice to people, and I asked her if she remembered what I'd said earlier.

"I grew up."

She said that seemed like a lousy reason to become an asshole, and wandered off to find someone nicer to harass.

I mumbled "Well, it got you to go away, didn't it?" and went back to work.

I think I would make a terrible parent. I appearantly have no patience for children.

I think I'm actually becoming the bitter person I set out to become summer before last.