Scoring at the end of the first quarter.

Well, as we wrap up the first quarter, let's review the play thus far.

In the opening volley, Patrick signs his name countless times, moves in two scant days with the help of close teammates Gilly, Cole, Habit, Mr. Smith, Jersey #80 and The Only Man Who Can Like a Mexican Can, and is completely inhabiting his new home in less than 48 hours!

Score: Team Patrick 1, House 0.

Patrick knew about a few existing problems that gave the house a home-team advantage however, a non-functioning master bedroom sink, paint in need of updating, and wallpaper that needed to come down.

Unable to solve the problems at his sink immediately, he turned his eye to the dining room wallpaper. The house rebuffed him--the stuff was bonded, strongly, to plaster.

House 2, Team Patrick 1.

Having made strong choices about the second bedroom, Patrick benched himself in favor of a smaller, more detail oriented player on his team--Habit swept in and covered the room with a flurry of strokes, resulting in a strong, appealing room ready for the move in of Patrick's season draft pick--Gilly. While this was going on Patrick placed most of his furniture and unpacked.

He also managed to defeat House's strong sealed-windows attack, in which the windows in the second bedroom were painted shut from the inside, caulked shut from the outside, and NAILED IN PLACE. This particular back and forth lasted a few days, but since the damage done to the windows during the fight means Patrick will have to repaint them in the near future, there was no clear score here.

Also, unphased by the red handprints and terrifying howl of House's dryer, Patrick weathered the intimidation play ("I'm haunted!") by Team House early in the first month.

Team Patrick 3, House 2.

Soon Patrick had acquired dining room furniture and a living room set, ignoring House's frustrating refusal to give up and let water run freely in the master bathroom.

House retaliated by developing a roach problem!

Team Patrick 4, House 3.

House launched a second surprise attack as well--yes, it may have come with a garbage disposal, but it didn't work! Tough times for team Patrick!

Patrick struck back on the first count with roach traps and the problem abated, but the attack was still pressed strong and any experienced player in the southern conference knows that the second quarter of the next season will bring another round on that front!

Team Patrick 4, House 4.

In order the regain the lead, Patrick went back to his roots and received advice from the coach of his old team--Team Phil, where he had trained extensively in long rivalry against childhood home (current score in that match is Team Phil finally pulling ahead with a lead of 11,487 to 9,891 over Childhood home). Team Phil told Patrick that the house's playbook included a few old tricks--including a simple sediment-in-the-aerator play that was blocking his sink!

Upon returning home, Patrick had fixed the sink's flow problems in five minutes flat. However, House struck back immediately, springing a leak in one of the sink's valves as soon as the aerator was unblocked!

Team Patrick 5, House 5.

Patrick regrouped his forces, and enlisted a hardware store to supply some necessarry tools and a new valve. The following week, house's counterattack had been properly stopped up. House attempted a weak second try with a slow leak, but this was easily solved with a small tupperware container and patience. The leak began to wane to nothing within a few days.

Team Patrick 6, House 5.

The following week, Patrick ordered and installed a new garbage disposal, enlisting occasional assists from teammate Gilly, and the new disposal works remarkably well.

And so we come to the holiday break, a few weeks of hopeful respite between these two fine competitors. The score sits at 7 to 5, Team Patrick ahead. But don't worry, there's plenty of winter left ahead, and everyone knows that House probably has a few more tricks up it's sleeves! We'll see what winter brings!

Thursday, December 18, 2008