Badass Motherfuckerdom

Badass Motherfuckerdom.

Allow me to quote Neal Stephenson, from Snow Crash, Chapter 36, Paragraph 1:

"Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad."

Something about us as a society praises and reveres badness. We react with awe to those who are rebellious. The people with the devil-may-care attitude are respected. For some reason that rugged individuality that comes with being a truely badass motherfucker is admired, even in the midst of a society where, for us to be successful, we must curb most such impulses.

I realized while riding yesterday that in the last six months I seem to have made a concerted if unintended push very far towards badassery. In the last six months I've procured a set of combat boots, started working as a bartender, and purchased a black Yamaha Maxim XS400K Motorcycle. Hell, widen the parameters and add a few months and I also let the first serious and productive (if not necessarrily healthy) relationship I've ever had die, crashed my Jeep Wrangler, tried smoking, and began drinking Scotch regularly.

In fact, on the badass motherfucker scale, when rated by activities, career, history, and gear, in the last year I've basically gone from "martial artist, but still mostly dweeb" to "Leatherclad, mudhole-in-your-chest-stomping, Motorcycle-riding cynic."

So that's intruiging to me. Partly because I'm pretty sure most of the people that have known me for a while (especially the males who take themselves seriously and haven't reached 25 yet--see above) certainly don't think of me as much of a badass. In fact, some of the things from the lists above are traits or experiences that I got from friends of mine, some of whom are much more badass than I am.

I also realize that I've got a lot more distance to travel before I think of myself as a badass. There are milestones that, until reached, imply to me that I'm still not quite a badass yet. I've got to aquire a pistol and train with it regularly. I have to verify my ability in authentic hand-to-hand combat. I've got to build a physique and comportment that is part sexual prowess and part restrained potential for violence. I've got to get a tattoo. I've got to train for several more years in the martial arts. Etc. etc. etc.

In fact, I see Badmotherfuckerdom as a sort of moving target, much like I see my proficiency in martial arts, bartending, or engineering. As I travel the path, so too does my goal, ever driving me towards further achievement.

But why is it, really, that I want to be a badass motherfucker? Is it the respect I see their characters treated with in entertainment (viz. Samuel Jackson's Pulp Fiction character, ) or is it just that I crave the attention they recieve? Or is it just another part of the backlash of me being a nice guy? Am I just trying to overcompensate for my perception of what I used to be like?

Who knows. I just know I like the smell of leather, the feel of solid footwear, and the wind rushing past me. I'm enjoying myself, and that's the sticking point, right?