Name Dropping II

So last night, driving back from Columbus, I talked with my mother about my theory on Name Dropping.

She said that she didn't think women did this, at least not as a competitive 'pecking-order' establishment system like men (in specific, geeks) do. She said she didn't want to assert that women didn't have a pecking order, just that it wasn't established the same way.

I'll buy that.

It does make me curious though. I mean, men's natures automatically make them highly (visibly) competitive, and we're comfortable with it and talk about it.

But the women I know are equally competitive in their own way, but I think most would be genuinely offended if you actually told them that they were.

A random thought: What is it about highschool and college girls and visible territory marking?

I've noticed this in more than one relationship that I've been in (or that my friends have been in), the girl (especially ones with a creative bent and some sort of artistic interest) develops a strong interest in writing on her boyfriend. Generally hands, arms, etc, during 'down time' when nothing else is happening. The things may range from the obviously possesive (her name) to the completely innocuous (a random phrase they share, a cartoon animal, etc.) but it seems that the girl is always intent on leaving her mark in such a way that she knows that you are hers.

Another method is the 'given' picture. They'll give you a good picture of themselves and then expect you to place it somewhere in your living space (desk, bedside, whatever) as a mark of their presence on your lives that is visible to any of your visitors.

It's a method they use of controlling the flow of the relationship, of reassuring themselves that you are their possession. And if you refuse, you will be nagged or needled endlessly about it, in most cases.

What is it's purpose? It seems just a newer, more socially acceptable way of marking turf. In the process, of course, you limit your relationship to one of possession, rather than one of mutual respect and trust. . . but by that measure, none of the girls I've known have trusted me. Even in the early days of our relationships.

For some reason it doesn't surprise me to realize that. But I think that it's going to become one of the cornerstones of my evaluation of future relationships--whether or not she's interested in marking me as a possession. I think it's another thing that's going to keep me single for a long time. Because I can't fathom finding a girl mature enough to leave well enough alone. At least not around here.

Am I losing faith, or just growing old?

Is there a difference?

Friday, August 13, 2004


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