This side up.

Handle with care.

It occurs to me that when I padded my life with a viscious disdain for the concerns of others, I didn't need people to understand me. They could drop me, kick me, bend me, ignore me, upstage me, blow me off, or be just plain mean to me, and I was not only unphased--I would often fail to notice the slight at all.

But now, trying to strip away a few of the layers of padding and bring my heart a bit closer to my sleeve, I find that I take things personally again.

What I'm remembering in the process is that the reason I became a heartless bastard in the first place is that people are selfish and inconsiderate, and when I expect them to be careful with my feelings, they fail.

Jewel comes to mind: "please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."

I wasn't sensitive for a long time, and I'm trying it out once more. I'm discovering I don't like it all over again.


Friday, November 10, 2006