Grow up.

For those of you that like to lay on the guilt that I don't call and give updates: you can shove it. My new phone has a very interesting set of timers built in.

In the past three weeks I've received 55 calls, for a total of one hour, 59 minutes and 41 seconds of talk time. I've dialed 190 calls, for a total of seven hours, 16 minutes and 57 seconds of talk time. At the end of the day, I am keeping in touch with all of you. It's you lot who are failing to keep up your end.

So let us set some ground rules, shall we?

1) It is not my job to keep in touch with you.

2) It is not my job to convey my schedule to you on a daily basis.

3) It is not my job to call you every week and tell you how my life is going. You want to know how I'm doing? Amazing true fact: The phone from which I call you occasionally also receives calls. Or you could e-mail me! Considering all of you know I hate the phone, maybe that would be a more polite solution?

4) My schedule is busier than yours. This truth is universal. I don't give a flying fuck if you're the pope and work 16 hour days, you still have more free time than me. Want that to change? Work your current job, adopt a half a dozen twenty-somethings who desperately need to be babied through into a level of maturity and self-motivated behaviour that you reached a decade ago, and take on a play that eats up another 20 hours of you week. Then sacrifice the mental stability of living alone, the calm of a quiet afternoon without calls and the ability to get anything accomplished without feeling like you're probably not paying *someone* enough attention, and you're getting close to the content of my life.

5) No-one gets a phone call from me for the remainder of this month. I've already stopped cooking food and cleaning house. If you miss the current Theatre Macon production I'm involved in as a result, it's your own gorram fault, because I told everyone about it a month ago.

I just don't have time for you. Learn to live with this fact, or take time out of your busy schedule to contact me.

If you call me, be concise, ask pointed questions, and expect the answer to be terse.

Saturday, February 16, 2008