She's got a silk dress. . .

I've been thinking about this playboy motif I've been building for myself lately.

I kinda like it.

I built my current mentality out of a sort of post-breakup bitterness that mutated into something far more pervasive.

I hinted at that bitterness a few times in the past but haven't ever really outlined it clearly. I've thought about writing a full post but now that I'm 'over' the development phase of it the whole concept seems somewhat blasé.

A good summary would be that after things went south with EKG last year, I developed a theory that women treat men badly, and train men through a system of punishments and rewards (mainly sexual and emotional) to treat them badly in turn. I don't know that this is always intentional but it is obvious and distasteful to me.

Men on the other hand are too foolish or non-self-aware to recognize the cycle or break it, and so instead simply learn to move to the rules so that they get what they desire.

Or perhaps as a gender we simply don't resent it enough to want to change it. It is really a moot point.

. . .and healthy breasts that bounce. . .

But now this mentality of mine, spawned from bitterness, has evolved into something new. I have been rewarded with a nearly incredible freedom and flexibility in my relationships by simply denying this cycle at all levels any time I recognize it.

My denial of the cycle simply shuts down the effect and keeps me sane, pleasant and cheerful. The women I interact with find me elusive and at times insensitive but I doubt many of them would call me boorish. I am direct and open about my dishonesty and the fact that my life is a closed book with chapters ripped out. Over time most of them seem to become comfortable with this on some level and the normal tries at creating the cycle seem to slowly be ebbing. Eventually I hope that most of the women in my life will abandon the attempts altogether.

So I must conclude that this mutation of my bitterness into a mixture of honesty and selfishness has given me a strange ability: I think I can disable the normal feedback loop of female control and male idiocy that permeats American relationships as described above.

. . .on his italian leather sofa.

So I find myself enjoying my detachment. Sure, I have my share of Broken Flowers and days when the only man in the world I identify with is Alfie.

But for every day my life seems hollow and devoid of purpose or kindness there are a dozen days when I am more liberated, more content, and in less emotional pain than any other male I know.

And right now I will trade a dozen days of freedom for that day of darkness anytime.

And so I won't put my neck beneath any woman's heel, no matter how attractive or "loving" it might seem.

Song Lyrics: Cake - Italian Leather Sofa.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


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