Sweet Jane

I just had the most enlightening conversation.

How blessed is the one who is trusted. Yet, how much it can sting to realize that you hide your own thoughts and feelings so well that the person sitting across from you (whom you once desired, and once considered a distinct possibility for your future) now expresses all about their own concerns and doubts and fears and loves for others without once thinking you might have once been jealous. How strange to feel that you have matured beyond that point, and that the door has closed, and you have understood one another and become happy in your respective seperate lives.

How different to look back with perfect clarity and no longer wonder if she ever considered, but instead know that if she did, she has put that concern behind her, and it no longer comes to mind. How surreal to look back on a crush you no longer have and understand it fully because you are in a relationship that makes you happy and secure and makes the idle crush of the lonely times little more than a string of half-hollow memories.

How is it that humanity can mature in such short time? How do we learn so many lessons and move on to lives improved by wisedom and experience so quickly?

The sweet taste of the past, the stinging wonder of the present, and the uncertain whisper of the future all combine at times like these to become a maelstrom of amazing, tantalizing beauty that reminds me why I love the life I live.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004


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